Corporate Servitude

I had to give a presentation at work this morning.  Dressed up in nice black pencil skirt, stockings, vest, and other what-have-you.  In walking to the office, caught my reflection in the wall of windows.  The clothes, heels, white dress jacket, packet of benefits materials, hair gently blowing in the breeze, and cell phone poised in my hand... I looked like the biggest fricking yup ever.  (cue identity crisis) 

What had previously been the calm facade of my supposedly semi-professional face, became a look of shock and confusion.  I felt the instinctive urge to run back to my car to vomit prior to giving presentation... or at least break out into a fit of hysterical giggling.  Either way, it was a traumatic experience.

The only thing to make me feel ever so slightly better was, when sitting there in my nice clothes, someone asked me what I did this weekend and I proceeded to tell them about all the cool stuff I pulled out of the alley / dumpster dived over the past two days.  Yes, that helped... but only a little.

So I have been married for three months now. It feels like so much longer (in a good way). It is funny how marriage hasn't changed us all that much. Every once in a while I get this little dose of unbelievable reality that we're married and that all these... things, are ours. Our future... it's so odd to think about. I love him more and more each day... especially on the new holiday he's invented called "I love you day" - a day where he surprises me with little gifts that make me happy.

Of course, not everything is rose-colored. I do find it difficult to share responsibility for my future - I get scared about financial responsibilities a lot more than he does, but I'm a born worry-wort. I also hate that I worry so much more now because the thought of anything bad happening to him sends me into a tizzy. Yes, a tizzy. I can't imagine how I'm going to feel when we have kids... WAAAAAAAY down the road.

But I love it all. I love/like our bland little apartment. I figure that if the one thing I have to feel bad about is that we don't have a house, well, then I'm a pretty damn lucky person in this world.

I've recently become infatuated with cooking, cook books, cooking blogs, cookware, etc.. I'm thinking about starting a (different) blog to document my hits and misses in this area... but we'll see if I have the energy because I'm currently combating an illness called: laziness.

Laziness. I don't really know where it came from. I'm assuming it is a virus. I've been taking antibiotics but the brand I'm taking, Netflix, apparently only increases laziness. Ugh! Am I destined for a couch ass? Probably.

So... that is what's been happening in my life. I hope it has given you something to read.

This is kind of dead, so... I wanted to ask you guys, which is your favourite LMM Montgomery pairing?

Mine's Valancy/Barney. I'll elabore on why later ;)

This morning, I went and picked apples for Second Harvest Heartland... the kindly farmer had donated the rest of his crop to feed the hungry, so it wouldn't go to waste when the first real frost comes.  I arrived at the orchard early in the morning and picked for many hours.  Got to watch the sun rise through the sky, catching the differing red hues of the apples as it traveled.  Crawled under the heavily fruit-laden trees with my picking bag.  Wished I could have just stayed there for a couple hours.  Light streamed through the green, gold, and brown leaves.  I felt so entirely at peace with everything around me... a perfect blue sky and the most ideal, warm autumn afternoon.  Maybe it was the sun on my skin, or watching the 25 or so people who'd come out to pick with an air of camaraderie, ignoring their increasingly sore muscles as the day passed, continuing to work with laughter and an air of insatiable goodwill, or seeing the many thousands of pounds of apples we had saved when everything was said and done...  There was something pleasing about it... the sort of humbling, soul-soothing pleasantness I might imagine would come with standing in a cathedral and feeling the presence of a higher power.

Has anyone heard anything recent about the state of Sarah's marriage, and whether they're working things out?

Everywhere I look, all I can find out is that they're still separated but not divorced. It's maddening. I want them both to be happy and it's been a long time since they separated.

1. steal underpants
2.
3. PROFIT!
...or else it is:
1. borrow "chem for dummies" as a basic review.
2. get GRE book from library.<- get a library card
3. get GRE book for the subject specific test.
3.a get Kiot or Andy to explain Biochem to me.
4. take test.
5. apply to schools.
5.a get 3 *GOOD* references... uhh... let's imagine that will happen...
6. have mental breakdown when i am either rejected or accepted.

*Breathes in the good air breathes out the bad*... *Twitch*... i don't like this idea...

I would probably spend time with people and do one of my insta-get-togethers. Where I invite a bunch of people and we would all go out to eat. Not sure where, I would pay for people who couldn't and we would just let go and have fun... I would try my best not to tell anyone actually. That way if they can't come there wouldn't be the pressure to or the guilt if they can't. I would probably write out a not so well thought out last minute will, hope for the best and go to sleep.

My brother won his first 5k yesterday.  The moment of sisterly pride upon the hearing of such information was indeed thoroughly pronounced.  The fact that it was a 5k aimed at fighting breast cancer only helps this feeling.  The kid is scoring points like they're going out of style.

I have a picture on my desk at work of the two of us in 2001.  We were both in our respective sports jerseys... mine being a blue track uniform, his being a blue elementary school basketball jersey.  I look at the cute quintessentially "little-boy" face and then consider the leviathan he's become.  He's tall as a frickin' tree, looks really man-like these days, with a more distinct jawline and the scruff that goes with it... he's such a nice guy, who on occasion has the mouth of a sailor.  All these things I find immensely endearing. 

In that photo, we look ridiculously alike... and now, though we both have changed a lot in appearance, we still look remarkably alike.  Something about that makes me distinctly thankful, maybe because it's a reminder that for the rest of our lives we'll be able to mirror each other in a way.  Provide a sense of history and context.  I guess that's one of the neat things about younger siblings.  You see someone go from kid to adult and you can recognize and trace the changes and similarities.  Then, you can make fun of them for 'em.

My car got broken-into Wednesday night.  Window smashed, briefcase stolen.  Upon discovering it, I got police documentation and searched the alleys... hoping that once the thieves realized the briefcase did not, in fact, contain a laptop, they'd toss it.  No such luck.  Accordingly, my written journal, sketchbook, letters, datebook, and personal/business/financial documents are gone... as well as a couple library books.

Thankfully, they left my map of China and my Bon Iver cd.  ...Apparently, whoever it was was not totally heartless.  Sigh.  Though the personal business papers are the most problematic things they got, I mainly wish they didn't get the journal and sketchbook. There were things in them that meant a lot to me. The things that come with self-development, sleepless nights, revelations, joyfulness, and awakenings.  The stuff that I just can't quite bring out to share with the rest of the world via online journal.  Yeah, I wish they didn't get that. 

Happily, I was pretty calm about the whole thing.  I mean, what's done is done, after all... it's only material possessions.  And in some sense, it's already in the past the minute after it happens.  Move on, right?  And heck, it could have all easily been much worse.  ...It's funny because, in moments like that, I can really see how I've changed over the years.  Plus, Corina was with me and her presence helps any situation really.  Yet, despite that, I still couldn't sleep much at all on Wednesday night.  Perhaps it's just the result of such a blatant violation of personal space and knowing that my car was still sitting vulnerable with a knocked-out window.  So, after a couple very unrestful hours of drowsing, I was up at six Thursday morning. 

The remainder of the morning was spent discussing video footage with the manager of the French Meadow where the theft happened, reading through the dry 'novel' that is my insurance policy and filing a claim, sitting in a coffee shop and organizing for a new window to be couriered-over while watching rain come down outside, changing the passwords and usernames to all my online accounts, dropping off my car, and going to the bank to terminate all my checking, credit, and savings accounts... then setting up new ones.  At this point, passwords new and old are floating about my head like so much alphabet soup. 

The thing that perhaps staved-off any real prolonged frustration at the situation was how pleasant each person I dealt with was... my insurance agent, my banker, the guy whose car next to mine also got robbed, etc... usually by the end of a conversation we were cracking jokes.  I mean, as much as you can when you've been working on fixing something tedious.  Though slightly counterintuitive, as emotional responses go (and while not able to take away the general frustration experienced), it feels nice to still be cracking a joke.  Sort of like a "fuck you" to the situation and to the thieves themselves, if that makes sense.  ...And maybe a way to acknowledge that despite the apparent asshole-behavior of some people, the majority of people I came into contact with were lovely and quite willing to be helpful.  Reminds you that the assholes are still the minority.

At one point yesterday, I called my dad and mom to ask if there was anything I'd missed, some stone left unturned. Both basically said, "Nope, you've done everything to do and covered every base" and both added comments of a "you done good, kid" nature.  That made me think... despite the obvious unpleasantness of the situation, it's sort of nice to realize that, even when negative things happen, you can act calmly... do what you need to do and right the situation as much as possible.  A feeling of competence, even in the face of a curveball.  That's something good.

Had a ridiculously productive day at work and that's something too.

I slept for the vast majority of this weekend, in an attempt not to relapse into sickliness. On Sunday I read a 350 page book. Around page 120ish I started noticing teeth marks. "Holy shit, there are a bunch of human teeth marks throughout this book. So many, in fact, that I can almost picture what this person's smile looks like." What I want to know is who checks out a library book for something to teethe on?